We could all take a page out of the Bhutanese happiness handbook. No, they don't really have a book, but it there is a policy. The Himalayan Kingdom has a Gross National Happiness policy that was first initiated by the 4th King of Bhutan, King Jigme Singye Wangchuck, in 1972 when he declared, “Gross National Happiness is more important than Gross Domestic Product.”
So how do they practice this concept? Well, one of the ways is by routinely thinking about their own death at least five times a day. That's right folks, you read that right. They believe in the acceptance of death as playing a major part of life itself. A part so important that if ignored can have unconscious psychological effects. We here in the West experience those effects through the thoughts we place on ourselves. Thoughts such as not reaching our goals in time, not having accomplished what we think we should have by this time, how much debt are we leaving our loved ones with. We feel anxious and go into a panic over these thoughts and then sadly take away from the happiness we could be experiencing while still alive.
Psychologist at the University of Kentucky, C. Nathan Dewall and Roy Baumeister, conducted a study with several students divided into two groups. They instructed the one group to think about going to the dentist and instructed the other group to think about death. Interestingly, the results showed that those that thought about death tend to have strong cognitive and behavioral responses with little to no emotional response. They also showed increased positive emotion as well as positive judgement where those that thought about dental pain did not. There is a coping response both after the exercise and after delay. This shows evidence that the coping process begins immediately.
As for the Buddhist, they acknowledge that death is everywhere. From the furniture to the clothes they wear and the food they eat. No one is sheltered from death, nor can anyone escape it. Life and death is a cyclical expression that is appreciated and respected by all ages. The children at a young age begin participating in and watching the ritual dances that re-enact death. This does not mean that the Bhutanese do not grieve, but by thinking about death and participating in the rituals, they have an in-depth process to mourning and allowing for a grieving period.
So I'm sure by now you're wondering, "what does this have to do with an end of life doula?" Aside from working in the nursing home industry for 22 years, the story of these people brought an ah-ha moment to the forefront of my mind when I first learned about them. This knowledge, in combination with what a leading doula and instructor, Alua Arthur, had asked in her YouTube video, "Why I Became a Death Doula". She asked, "What version of yourself do you want to meet on your death bed? What version of yourself are you right now? And what's in the gap? What's missing?" Wow, that was powerful. It hit me right in my heart center, I needed to figure this out for myself. Then my next thought was, I need to help others realize this as well. So while I'm focused on assisting the terminally ill and dying, those that are going through the journey with them are equally as important. It is my hearts desire now to help meet all I come in contact with where they are, where they want to be, and how do we fill that gap so we can live a life full of happiness.
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